Something lands — a tone, a look, a message — and your answer is out before you've decided anything. Then comes the next hour, spent managing what that half-second cost.
The reaction feels like it's happening to you. But there's a small gap between the thing and your answer to it, and that gap is almost the whole of your freedom. It's just very short, and easy to miss.
You can't always feel calmer in the moment. But you can make the gap a little longer. One breath is usually enough to turn a reaction back into a choice.